Last week was filled with lots of lessons in reality. It seems I've been confusing the concepts "Simplifying" with "Following your Heart".
My first lesson in reality was that selling everything, buying an RV and hitting the road does not jive with the concept of simplifying. As I've been mentally preparing for this adventure, what has smacked me clear in the face is that my life is already very simple. Yes, I have my share of problems, responsibilities and time constraints that drive us all crazy, but the truth is I have my systems in place to deal with all of those things positively. We live in the small, conservative town that I grew up in. We have a small, energy efficient home. Our neighborhood is awesome, complete with families we love all around us. We have a wonderful school filled with old friends and acquaintances giving Meg an education that I trust. I love my job, the space I work in and especially the people I work with. I have a strong client base that I care very much about and supports Megan and me financially. As I've been evaluating the reality of my life, the truth is that I love it. I'm happy.... So, in response to my sisters question, "What are you running away from?" the answer is "NOTHING!" The issue with this happy realization is that it's giving me a small coronary as I consider giving it all up.
So what am I doing? Why am I doing this? I'll admit that before the weekend, I was seriously considering taking my house off the market and quietly disappearing from this blog. This adventure is scary! I'm leaving everything safe. I'm taking my daughter with me into the big scary world! Sacrificing security for uncertainty and adventure. Is this really being a good mom? Don't I have an obligation to stay exactly where I am in this stable existence? Maybe? I honestly don't know....
What I do know is this: In this life so far, I've been put through the wringer and come out on the other end very blessed. I have learned so much in my time here in Waupaca. The most touching part of everything (besides raising Megan) has been my time spent with Hospice. These people, in their last days of life, have taught me what is important in these moments of health and vibrance. They speak of love, of family, of their passions. Some are happy and content, some are achingly hearwrenched, but they all speak of the same things. They are the reason I closed the spa to focus on being a better mother. They are the reason I ran my first 5k to use my body to it's fullest potential. They are the reason that I know, when it's me lying there, that I will either be celebrating and reliving my experiences or telling the kind girl spending a half hour with me not to waste another minute on anything mundane or joyless.
As it turns out, simplifying is not the right term at all. Instead, it has become a question of goals, quality of life and deciding whats the healthiest and most beneficial choice for my family.... I don't know what the term is and I don't know the right answer. The only thing I can do is pray and have faith that God will lay out the plan. From there, it's up to me to follow it, despite the naysayers and fears.